Sunday, April 19, 2015

Insurance Companies and other Lesions.


All you folks out there who have State Farm Insurance, I would like to say just one thing; YOU HAVE MY DEEPEST SYMPATHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!also^!^!^!^!^!!!!!!!and!!!occasionally!!!!!!!!!!!!!furthermore!!!!! and then pull the letter from the President and CEO of State Farm saying they would never cancel my policy, plus!!!!!!!!! and finally a pox on their house( and here I might get my revenge, for if they (state farm) has State Farm Insurance, to put it simply but succinctly  THEY ARE NOT ONLY ON THE HORN'S OF A DILEMMA, THEY INVENTED THESE ACCESSORIES OF THE BOVINE POPULATION (but refused to Insure them and their victims) so there, their House (complete with pox) WILL NOT BE INSURED.

Whatever you do, DO NOT say anything good  (as I foolishly did) about State Farm Insurance.

I have had the above named insurance since 1958 and frequently recommended this Company to a considerable number of folks.
That is, until one day a neighbor mentioned to me that he had seen Raccoons hanging on one of my upstairs window, appearing to chew on the wooden part.
I cannot climb stairs anymore due to impaired health so I had no occasions to be upstairs for a couple of years, but after my neighbor's remark, I went up the stairs stopping at each stair to catch my breath and allow my B.P. to go down a little, and when I finally got to the top where I could inspect the windows, I almost fainted. Nearly every window had  the muntins, (Mullions?) State Lines? Goalposts? (well whatever the wooden dividers between the glass are called. partially or wholly chewed upon, to the point where the glass was almost ready to fall out. I then went to the Attic access door and opened it. MY LORD !! I with I hadn't. Not only were there signs of
raccoon occupation, there were actually a family or two of Raccoons staring at me, as if to say, What the Hell do you want?!!.
I slammed the door and nearly fell down the stairs and called a Window company to come out and replace nine windows in the upstairs of our home, which was done in about a month, AFTER I had killed about six or eight of the filthy Animals residing in my Attic.  When the window companies men came out and replaced the windows, one of the men happened to ask me who I had my Homeowners Insurance with. I guess, No I know, that Old Age has made me stupid but that was the first I had even THOUGHT about Insurance. I told the fellow that I had State Farm Insurance, and he shook his head, petted me on the shoulder and sighed, saying, good luck!
I wasn't sure what he meant then, but I do now. BOY DO I KNOW!
I called State Farm (Motto, we'll bring the Vaseline) and told my agent that I wanted to file a claim he sighed deeply, as If I had Stolen his Dog, Wrecked his car, sabotaged his computer, pee'd on his lettuce and raped his Wife and his Postman, then said in a weary, tote that Bale voice, Okay (Sigh) Jack (sigh)what(sigh) is (sigh) the trouble (looooong sigh). I told him what the trouble was and the said in a Voice like he worked for the Pharoh, who wanted to change the design of the Pyramids to Round, with window boxes, just get  two or three thousand estimates, pictures, statements from the Raccoons AND their Union (The Amalgamated, Occupational Fraternity of snakes,harpies,infections Tax,' shit,' and he would let me or my survivors know when, after the Congress of Insurance next met, (approx. 3001-A.D.) what I needed to do next, and sighed again.
At this point I started calling Funeral Homes and Insane Asylums inquiring about vacancies, .but they were all booked up due to a rash of Insurance problems "Damndest thing I ever saw, said the guy at the Funeral home. We had to pick up suicides and Heart Attacks on school buses, got em stacked up like cordwood in our freezer downstairs, 'N had to order embalmin fluid a 55 gallon drum at a time, 'N if this keeps up we'll have to order it by tank truck. "Wow", I said, "I guess the Coroner is about run ragged." "Well he were, the Director said, "But he's okay now, he's with Jesus, or will be if I ever get far enough down in the stack to find him".
I thought I was being honest, until my claim for the replacement of eight of the windows (The ninth one hadn't yet been chewed upon,) was denied , as I had no pictures of the Raccoons at their work. but I replaced it anyway and paid for it myself) and even went sofar as to tell the National Claims director "If you think I am lying about the damage to the windows, just don't pay me (she didn't). At this point, the Insurance Company has sent us a couple of checks, well, actually three, with a promise of one more to come, if, after the repairs are completed, and their adjuster examines the house and is satisfied. I'm taking bets and so far the "won't be's are ahead about 161 to 3of the will be's

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