Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Computers and other torture devices.

Guten Abend:

I decided to ramble on a bit about Computers, after waiting for what seemed like four or five hours for my old Computer to wake up.

This old comp.has, in common with many others of the same ilk, steadily gotten slower and slower, til I have to shave at least twice before I can get my Email page to load.

I've tried every tried and true method that I can find to try and speed up my old Dell on wheels, and sometimes I am pleasantly surprised in my efforts being rewarded with at least fifteen minutes of pretty good operation before it (the @#@#!%^*)thing starts to doze off again. I thought for a long time that the trouble was mine, in that I have never implied by thought or word that I was in anyway a computer whiz, or even a neophyte, but I don't really think that this is the whole problem.

When I first bought this thing, I had dial up service, which is about as fast as Pony Express, but it did the job at the time, as the Comp. was still relatively new, purchased just after the great Flood,and may have ben delivered by some guy named Noah.

I thought (my first mistake) that I was getting a pretty good machine , until someone who had actually seen a computer told me that they didn't think that a computer powered by a squirrel running on a wheel to generate power was the absolute newest thing, so I returned it, squirrel and all and called Fructus Rocking chair and computer company to purchase a new computer, second generation. Since it was a newer and better device I willingly paid the twelve thousand dollars or so to live in lovely land . When I received the newest computer, my same advisor told me that he didn't think I would like a Kerosene Powered computer. So I tried again, and this time didn't even unpack the thing when I noticed it was powered by a water wheel and I don't happen to live next to a creek, and so returned it and this time let my advisor speak with the salesman ( a man named Achmed ) and ordered me a new twenty-ninth generation computer, gor an teed to work just fine, but it didn't, as I don't have a windmill. So...I guess sooner rather than later I'll have to break down and buy a new computer, cause I'm getting awful tired of splitting wood to fire the Boiler on my current steam powered word progeggler, plus the inconvenience of typing on a machine whose keys are marked with Aramaic characters.

Oh Well. I guess we learn by doing, or as in my case, by being done to.

Sleep Well folks. Michael Dell and Bill Gates are surely.

stirring their wizard's kettles, so I am pauseitive we will soon all be able to own a computer so smart it won't even need us Humans to operate it.



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